Teen Titans The Abridged Series Season 01
by Wolfie the Love Warrior
Summary: An abridged series that's ready to serve some laughter. Please support the original works and feel free to love this one :D; DISCONTINUED! May or may not continue anytime soon
1. Episode 01: Hotdogs

Here's the first episode of Teen Titans Abridged- Season 01 =D  
>I want to see if people will like it and then I'll decide if I should keep going.<br>It's kind of fun,

But at the same time...IDK

Just please read and like =D

And by the way, when the voice is talking, I suggest picturing that part on the real episode and use this voice instead of the real one. I'm not saying I want you guys to stop supporting their works it's just that... *sighs* just read the disclaimer down there.

Disclaimer: All the characters of Teen Titans and the references used in this chapter belong to their proper owners. Please support the original works and don't waste anyone's time by suing someone who claims who owns NOTHING. Got that? I'm pathetic! Do you want to sue a pathetic person? =P

* * *

><p>Voice:<br>We're here to interrupt your more interesting show with a less interesting one.  
>Brought to you by the wannabe rich kids' school's top losers.<br>In other words, the Hive Academy's top graduates.

-Scene Transition-

Gizmo, a.k.a, Dr. Octopus.  
>Look, I know the show's called Teen Titans,<br>But has anyone seen him in the comics?  
>He's a short dude with a mustache and a tied-up beard.<br>So why the flip is he a kid in this series?

And how old is he?  
>Is he a 15 year old midget or a third grader?<br>Make up your mind Warner Bros.!

-Scene Transition-

Jinx, the cheap imitation of the real character.  
>Seriously!<br>In the real comics, she's an elemental sorceress with the power to summon emerald flames and generate powerful force bolts.  
>But in this series,<br>She's a black cat with a purple fetish.  
>Yeah...so if you see her, hold up a four-leaf clover and you'll be just fine.<p>

-Scene Transition-

Mammoth, a guy with long hair,  
>No real combat experience,<br>Wears tight clothes revealing his huge-ass arms,  
>And uses steroids like they're flipping Tic Tacs.<br>He's Jessica Alba that's what he is.

-Scene Transition-

These three were picked out of all the other losers- I-I mean students, to get their ass kicked by the Teen Titans. They can be yours if you call the number of 1-800-HIVES.

-TV Turns Off-

* * *

><p>An old woman turns to the masked man sitting on a chair, viewing the screen with a nonchalant look in his...eye.<p>

"Well?" she asked.

"I'll take 'em," Slade proclaimed.

The old woman raised a wrinkly brow, "Wait, seriously? You're not like...gonna give them a test or anything?"

"What are you talking about?" Slade eyed.

"You know," the old woman hinted, "Prove they're worthy by destroying a certain group of teenagers?..."

"The Jonas Brothers?"

"The Teen Titans!"

"Why would I wanna do that?" Slade queried, "Didn't the huge-ass mirror on the wall just tell me they were the top graduates in your academy?"

"Well, yes, it did," the woman admitted, "But apparently this episode's about how teenagers improve their self-esteem by ruining other people's lives."

"But don't schools have programs so it doesn't happen?" Slade countered, "You know, because of all the suicides and bringing weapons to school to kill people?"

"This is a Japanese cartoon," the woman reminded, "The main characters show how inspiring they can be by never going to school."

"So how do they know how to do stuff like hack computers and build cars?"

"I dunno," the woman shrugged.

-Opening Credits-

"Ugh," Cyborg grunted before lifting up the couch, "I can't believe you lost the remote!"

"How would you know I took it?" Beastboy barked after transforming back from his bloodhound form.

"Because you're you!"

Looking up from her book, "Why don't you guys just get up to the TV and change the channels manually?" Raven asked.

"Because we're _superheroes_!" Cyborg retorted, "If we can find crime, we can find the remote!"

"You can't even find Waldo on a 'Where's Waldo?' book," Raven retorted, "What makes you think you can find the remote?"

An animated anger icon popped out at the side of Cyborg's head before he turned to the navy-haired teenager, "O-oh yeah?" Cyborg fumed, "And how do we know the remote's not in your room?"

"Why would I have the remote in the room?" Raven raised an eyebrow.

"Oh c'mon! Do you really think you can get laid with that attitude?" Cyborg smirked,"Come to think of it, we're missing a couple of hotdogs in the refrigerator too."

"At least the refrigerator _has _weenies."

Cyborg growled and flames shot from his eyes, "Why you—"

The automatic sliding door opened and revealed Starfire and Robin talking while walking alongside each other, "And that's how you have Tameranian se-"

"What the f*** is going on in here?" Robin asked. He raised an eyebrow and noted how Cyborg and Raven were glaring at each other while Beastboy stood in the middle of it with an amused look on his face. This was obviously more entertaining to him than TV.

"We're trying to find the re-"

"Raven won't admit she's a hopeless virgin!"

"And Cyborg won't admit he'll never stop being one."

"WHAT?"

"Come the f*** down and shut up!" Robin demanded, "You can f*** each other all you want in combat practice this afternoon," he motioned his thumb behind him, "But right now, get me something to f****** eat. I'm f*******starving."

"And who do you think you are to boss us around like that?" Cyborg barked.

"The main character!"

"Son of a b-"

Not wanting to continue listening to her comrades fighting and breaking the fourth wall, Starfire skipped towards the refrigerator. Avoiding where the hotdogs were usually placed, Starfire crouched down and opened the fridge. She smiled at the sight of the blue smooze saying hi and waving at her in an animatedly cute fashion.

"Awe how cu-"

"SMOOOOOOOOOOOZE!" It roared.

"What?" Starfire shrieked, "But nobody can stop the smooze!"

Starfire screamed and shot a starbolt at the fridge, causing all the smooze to spread around the living room. The other four titans sweat-dropped as not only are they covered in smooze, but Starfire is ranting about its planning to take over the world.

"Oh f*** it let's just eat out."

* * *

><p>"I want pickles and mint frosting!"<p>

"I want the all-meat platter!"

"I want vegetarian!"

"I want someone to just order already."

"And I want you all to shut the f*** up!"

Everyone turned to a fuming Robin before complying to his request. Proud of his result, Robin smugly smirked, "Now that everyone has finally shut the f*** up, I'm deciding the order will be-"

-Scene Transition-

(What the crap did they just cut me off?)

"Gizmo to Jinx," Gizmo called through his headset, "Walk through the bus that's conveniently behind you."

"Why do we have to do this?" Jinx started, "If you're standing right there hidden with the titans all vulnerable, why don't you just kill them now with a rifle?"

"Because I f****** said so," he argued, "Now do what I say before I laser your ass."

"Okay," Jinx sighed before obeying the request. Jinx giggled and watched as the bus started moving down the hill and towards the baby in the carriage on the middle of the road. (A/N: Seriously...)

"Did Jinx do a good job?" Jinx asked.

"Yes, yes," Gizmo sighed, "Jinx did a very good job."

"Yay!"

-Scene Transition-

Few honks were heard from the distance and the five teenagers rose from their seats to see what it was. From the distance, a big blue bus is rapidly charging towards a baby in its carriage in the middle of the road.

"What the f***?" Robin muttered.

"What kind of parents leave their baby in the middle of the road like that?" Cyborg petitioned.

"Come to think of it, where the flip is _our _parents?" Beastboy asked.

There was a long pause and the five teens looked at each other with puzzled eyes. Remembering the situation, then turned back to their previous direction and gasped when they saw the bus a lot closer to the baby now.

"Umm," Beastboy noted, "We should probably save that baby."

After few nods and comments of correspondence, "Titans go!" Robin declared before the five jumped out of the pizza balcony and managed to stay in one piece.

"Good thing we're cartoons," Beastboy gleamed as they continued to make their way to save the day.

Robin took the baby carriage out of the scene before Cyborg stopped the bus with his hands. Appearing behind the half-robot, Raven used her magic to switch the bus's gear-shift to park.

Surprised at what just happened, "Why didn't you stop it when it was still way over there?" Cyborg demanded.

"Hey I can't do it as well as you do."

"Son of a b- Hey!- Doesn't busses usually have drivers?"

"And doesn't baby carriages normally have babies?" Robin asked before picking up a green obviously tampered teddy bear from the carriage.

"And doesn't good superheroes run away before something blows up?" The teddy bear asked before light formed in its eyes.

"What the f*** are you talking abo-"

Lasers shot of the teddy bear's eyes before blasting Robin, Starfire, and Beastboy across the street. Cyborg and Raven watched as the magical bus suddenly stood before and slammed them down to the concrete. (A/N: Why the flip didn't they move? .)

"Well that was easy," Gizmo said as Jinx and Mammoth joined him, "Take that Staples!"

"Why the f*** do they keep cutting me off?"

The three villains turned to see Robin, Starfire and Beastboy got back on their feet in a simple way while Cyborg cannoned the bus off him and Raven before getting back on their feet also in a simple way.

"What the?" Mammoth took a step back, "How the flip are you guys still alive?"

"Look, I know this is the first episode," Robin informed, "But everyone knows you can't die in a f****** cartoon just by being shot violently from across the street by highly radioactive lasers or being pulverized by a ten-ton bus."

"Who are you guys anyway?" Beastboy asked.

The five teenagers sweat-dropped when the three newbies did a dramatic pose.

"We're the Hive!" Gizmo announced, "And we're here to kick your bu-!"

"Okay okay wait!" Cyborg interjected, "This is the_ first _episode and the _first_ real action scene, and the _villains_ get the_ first_introductory bad-ass pose?"

"Hey you guys get the _title sequence,_" Gizmo countered,.

"Bu-"

"So just shut up and fight us!"

-Censored Fighting Sequence!-

"Hey Cyborg!" Mammoth called out as he held down Cyborg's wrists, "Wanna know what people say after watching an Aquaman episode?"

Cyborg widened his eyes and turned to see Gizmo strapping a rocket on his back before he taking off in the sky, "OH FU-"

-Censored Fighting Sequence!-

"You fight like a boy," Jinx belittled as she continued to evade Raven's punches.

"You would know," Raven commented.

"Convenient Unseen Laser Shot GO!"

Raven's eyes grew big before Gizmo activated his laser beams once again.

"OH FU-"

-Censored Fighting Sequence-

Robin scowled at the sight of Gizmo showing how bad-ass he's being with his powerful lasers. He's technically doing all the work for his teammates and it's insulting him by making it look so easy.

"Time to show the viewers who's the real bad-ass in this show."

Robing smirked before walking towards Gizmo.

"Hey Dr. Octopus!" Robin taunted, "F*** Y-"

A boom was heard before Robin was suddenly interrupted by his own screams before plummeting into an underground water labyrinth.

From the bottom, Robin's voice was heard.

"ARE YOU F****** KIDDING ME?" he was heard complaining, "Oh f*** it I'm gonna get some coffee!"

"Robin!" Beastboy called out as both he and Raven approached the water whole, "Damn it! Why can't it just be solid ground so we know he's still alright?"

"Now to finish you guys off!" Gizmo proclaimed.

(A/N: Do it and I'll F*** your ass!)

"Ugh fine we'll just go to give them some dramatic screen time."

(A/N: Damn right you will!)

* * *

><p>"I can't believe he just ditched us!" Beastboy said before sitting on one of their unnecessarily countless couches.<p>

"I can't believe it's not butter," Raven muttered.

"What?"

"N-nothing," Raven stuttered before kneeling down next to him, "Here let me heal your thigh. You seem to be rubbing it a lot lately so I assume you're in a lot pain."

'This is it,' Beastboy inwardly cheered. He tensed when he saw her hands over his thighs, but was disappointed when her hand didn't even touch him. It just...glowed.

"There," Raven got back up to stand next to him, "Better?"

"Yeah," Beastboy muttered disappointingly, "Sure, why not."

"Good," Raven gleamed, "I learned that by training under Tsunade-"

"Wrong series Rae," Beastboy informed.

The two turned to the gigantic doors to see Cyborg and Starfire walk in.

"Man I thought I was screwed when that lion from Narnia told me I should find use the force or something," Cyborg chuckled, "So tell me, how'd we kick their ass?"

"We didn't" Raven muttered.

"Where's Robin?" Starfire queried.

"He ditched us for coffee," Beastboy muttered.

"We looked everywhere. Including all the cafes," Raven added, "We couldn't find him."

"What the f***?" Starfire bewildered, "What the f*** do you mean? People don't just f****** disappear!"

"Wow, calm down Starfire!" Beastboy pleaded.

"She obviously hangs around with Robin too much," Raven muttered.

"Don't worry Star!" Beastboy assured, "He's a main character! Nothing bad's gonna happen to him!"

Cyborg opened his mouth to retort.

"I said _a_ Cyborg, not _the_."

"Oh okay then."

A knock was heard and the four turned to the unnecessarily huge-ass doors.

Starfire gasped, "Even if the chances are vague, I shall walk obliviously towards the doors and assume it's Robin!"

She walked towards the door, then got blasted back along with it.

"Oh no" Beastboy muttered as the four encountered with the three losers again.

"Oh yes," Jinx literally slid to the center. (A/N: Seriously...)

"You were lucky last time!" Cyborg threatened, "But you're in our house now!"

"Yeah nice place," Gizmo complimented, "We'll take it!"

Starfire gasped, "No!" she pleaded, "Please! Not our home!"

"Relax Starfire," Cyborg assured, "We're main characters too! Nothing bad _ever_happens to us!"

Flashing Starfire a thumbs up, "They're not gonna take our-"

* * *

><p>The four stood outside on an island near their home island and stared at the "H" that was conveniently done is such a short notice.<p>

Cyborg clenched his fists and raised them in the air, "SON OF A B-"

* * *

><p>"Ugh," Mammoth grunted when he saw that every piece of food in the refrigerator were covered in blue smooze. He took a moldy hamburger before observing its structure. After a few seconds, he shrugged before tossing it in his mouth.<p>

Gizmo watched the sight and stretched his tongue out in disgust, "Damn they got nothing to eat here?"

"How 'bout these hotdogs?"

Mammoth and Gizmo turned to see Jinx holding a couple of sticky-looking hotdogs in her hands.

Raising an eyebrow,"Where the flip did you get those hotdogs?" Gizmo asked.

"In the blue chick's room," she muttered.

"But why would they be i-"

Both Gizmo and Jinx shivered at the same guess and gasped when Mammoth reached out to get them.

Taking one in his hand, "Are these cooked?" he asked.

"No..." Jinx muttered, "But I don't think-"

"Mmm salty!"

"EWW!"

* * *

><p>"So," Beastboy muttered, "Teen Titans is over?"<p>

"What are you talking about? It's only the first episode!"

The four titans turned their heads and gasped to see their leader shining under the sunlight.

"What the?" Cyborg scowled and gritted his teeth, "You ditch us so we can rot in our doom and then suddenly show up in the last minute in bright light like so the viewers can assume we're nothing without you?' he demanded, "What the flip man?"

Showing the cup of coffee he held in his hand, "I got some coffee," he responded.

"What the crap?" Beastboy demanded, "What the flip took so long?"

"Uhh," Robing scratched the back of his head, "There was a long line?"

"You got drunk and danced in clubs again didn't you?" Raven guessed.

Robin forced a bewildered face, "What are you talking about?" he denied, "I have no idea what you're -hic**- **talking about**!"**

"Then why can't you stand up straight?"

"F*** you that's why!"

"Can we just go save the tower already?" Cyborg sighed tiredly.

Robin inched back in surprise before making a cheeky grin, "Ohhhh yeaaah," he slurred, "Suuuuuureeee."

"But how are we going to fight them with Robin all drunk?" Beastboy mentioned.

Cyborg turned to Raven, "You still know that spell."

Raven smirked before her hands and eyes glowed a black shine, "Oh flip yes," she sneered before walking towards Robin.

"Heyyy what are yo- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

><p>"Let's look through their music and see if they have good music."<p>

Gizmo reached out the to get a CD before reading it and frowned.

"Kidsbop 1"

He reached out for another CD and frowned again.

"Kidsbop 2"

While Gizmo continued to read and toss away other Kidsbop CDs, Cyborg's arm somehow came to life and used its fingers to walk towards the control systems to activate the alarms.

"Its a good thing I'm made from Japan," the arm said before using metallic tentacles to drag Gizmo somewhere else in the tower.

"Father no!" Gizmo pleaded before disappearing.

"Magical giant raven claw grab go!"

Jinx eyes grew wide before being dragged upwards by that giant black claw.

"What the f- AHH!" Mammoth grunted before getting shot away by a starbolt.

-Censored fighting sequence-

"Yes! I finally get a belt to hold up my pants!" Robin said as he held it up in the air before putting it back on his waist. Turning to his teammates, "By the way, where did my other belt go?"

"Raven found it!" Cyborg answered.

"Where the f*** is my belt now Raven?"

"Uhh"

* * *

><p>Holding Robin's belt evilly in her hands, "Yes!" she cheered, "I finally have his belt! With this scoring device, I won't ever have to use those stupid hotdogs again!"<p>

Evil laughs.

* * *

><p>"I lost it," Raven quickly answered, "Sorry..."<p>

Sighing, "That's okay," Robin assured, "Since I'm a cartoon, I obviously don't have any other fashion senses. So I stick to the same outfit by having millions of them and make viewers wonder if I ever bathe."

"But enough of that. Titans!" he called, "Now it's time for _our _introductory bad-ass pose!"

Soon all the titans got with Robin in their positions for their cool pose.

"Ahhh yeee" Robin smirked.

"Aww man," Gizmo whined, "I hate plot twists."

-Censored Fight Scene-

"Aww man," Gizmo whined, "Slade's not gonna be happy..."

Robin stormed towards him and grabbed him by the collar, "Who's Slade?" he demanded.

Gizmo smirked, "A guy who's really gonna like this recording."

"What the f*** are you talking abo-"

-Scene Transition-

(Are you f****** kidding me?)

"Sorry our students have failed," the old woman apologized.

"That's okay," Slade assured, "At least they got me something to add to my collection."

The woman raised an eyebrow, "What are you—"

"Who's Slade?" the recording of Robin's voice asked.

"Hehe," Slade chuckled, "Now to mess with the rewind button."

"Who"

"Ooo"

"Ooo"

"Ooo"

"Slade"

"Slade"

"Slade"

"Slade"

"Ahh yes!" he cheered, "This is better than Joe's!"

"Umm," the old woman whispered, "Can I go now?"

"Huh? Oh!" Slade responded without taking his eyes of the screen, "Sure it's my alone time now anyway."

"Okay then..."

* * *

><p>Hope ya guys like it! =D<p>

And by the way, the parentheses after the scene transitions is Robin's voice talking during the next scene.

And yes, I say flip not f*** or hell. Just take the *** in the words as that bleeping censored sound so it sounds amusing xD

Please read, like, and review!

I wanna see if I can make this a regular saga for me and join the other "In-Progress" works I'm working on =)


	2. Episode 02: Lindsey Lohan

Well,  
>Here's the next episode!<br>Please read and enjoy!

Sorry if I had so many errors on the first episode,  
>But this time, I reread AND revised it PROPERLY now.<p>

Guest starring Lindsey Lohan as Blackfire.

Disclaimer: All the references, characters, and everything else owned by a proper owner is owned by a proper owner. If there is a problem, PM me. Don't ban or delete my account or anything or I swear I'll-

* * *

><p>A gigantic white comet like thing shot through the dark oblivion before soon splitting into three. One descended on the earth as if it was a shooting star and served as a background for the colorful fireworks set upon the sky.<p>

Witnessing the falling white flash shine and perceiving it as a shooting star,

"Make a wish dear," a woman's voice urged.

"I wish I'd get laid already," a man's voice responded.

"What?"

"What?"

Zooming to another part of the scenery, a ferris wheel flashed its appearance among the other rides and stands that made a nameless carnival.

Awing at the sight,

"They're so big!" Starfire cheered, "And so pretty too!"

Checking out his companion's butt,

"Yeah," Robin smirked, "They sure are."

Turning to her teammate,

"Tell me again what they are called," she requested.

"Your ass"

Realizing what he just said,

"I-I mean fireworks," he shook his head before looking back at the sky, "Yeah...fireworks."

Silence filled the two as they continued to watch the bursting blooms of color spark colorful glitter across the sky. A frown came upon the red-haired teen as a thought came to her head.

"On my home planet," she started, "Explosions would mean that the Gordanians were attacking," turning to her masked friend, "You are certain Earth isn't under attack?"

"I know what's gonna be," he muttered.

"What?"

"What?"

Clearing his throat, "Want some cotton candy?" Robin offered before stretching out the fluffed sugar.

Staring down at the candy,

"The last time I ate a ball of cotton, it was white and did not taste very-"

"This one isn't drugged," Robin informed, "Now do want some or what?"

After witnessing Robin eat some himself, Starfire smiled before doing the same. She took time to taste and feel the sweet sugar in her mouth and gasped.

"It vanished!" she noted.

Robin chuckled, "That won't be the only thing that's vanishing tonight," he muttered.

"What?"

"What?"

Starfire blinked before shrugging it off. She looked forward before sighing.

"When I first came to Earth, I did not think I would fit in," she started, "Earth is filled with many strange things."

"Trust me, Earth isn't that bad," Robin commented, "You can find a lot of things you can 'fit in' to. You just need some time. In fact," he smirked, "I know something I can 'fit in' to."

"What?"

"What?"

"Robin," she called out worriedly, "Are you feeling alright?"

"Starfire I'm a 15 year old boy in tights and a cape," Robin stated, "How often do you think I get laid?"

"What do you mean by-"

"Here comes the finale!" Robin interrupted as he pretended to be interested at the increased number of exploding flashing colors, "Yes!" he cheered.

Staring at her excited friend, "Earth is full of amazing things," she awed at her friend.

Turning to the red-head and noticing her amazement, Robin smirked.

"Why don't I show you all of it?" Robin smirked devilishly.

Blinking peculiarly, "What do you mean?" she asked, "How would you do that?"

Robin inwardly cheered to himself. This is his chance to get laid! And with no interruptions.

Smirk deepening, "Why don't we go back to my place so we ca-"

Robin jumped from his seat and his grew big at the sight of something large and purple carry Starfire away from him. His mouth grew agape as Starfire's retreating form continued to disappear.

"WHAT THE F-"

**-Opening Credits-**

"I do not wish to go wherever you are taking me," Starfire's eyes glowered to the tentacled machine that carried her, "Robin told me he'd show me the rest of the Earth, and unless that's where you're taking me,"

A starbolt formed in her hand and the redhead used it to blast the purple squid-like thing.

"I do not wish to go!"

Fortunately for her, the shot paralyzed the flying machine for a few moments, giving her a chance to escape. It didn't take long until the purple thing regained movement before pursuing the alien girl once again.

-Scene Transition!-

A ring was shot through a bottle nozzle and a cheer was heard in response.

Beast Boy and Cyborg high-fived at Beast Boy's victory before he reached over for a giant chicken.

Chuckling proudly, he then handed the chicken to the blue-haired girl.

"Haha!" he cheered, "I told you we'd get you that "bildo" thing," Beast Boy said before the female retrieved the fake hen.

"This is way too big," Raven stated.

The three turned around at their leader's appearance behind them.

"Titans!" he called out, "Trouble!"

"Where's the dumb bimbo?" Cyborg asked.

"You mean Starfire?" Robin asked.

"Yup"

"That's the trouble," Robin said before turning around.

"Let me guess," Cyborg started, "She flew away when you wanted to knock her up didn't she?"

A scowl grazed the masked teenager's face, "She didn't know that," he stated.

"Well I'm pretty sure she can't miss the light saber in those tights of yours."

"Oh shut the f*** up and let's just get her already!" Robin snapped before leading the three of them to save the said girl.

The four ran until they reached the tip of a dock and watched as their red-headed teammate continued to be chased by the unknown flying squid.

Starfire turned around at the machine and gasped when its tentacles reached out one by one to retrieve her.

Wanting to fight back, Starfire shot a couple of starbolts at the machine's head, only to have no affect.

"Why does everything that's pointy, long, and fast always go after me?" Starfire wondered to herself before turning around to flee.

The four titans watched as Starfire zoomed past between them with her pursuer close behind.

"Looks like Starfire got another one," Beast Boy noted.

"If it tries to get her with in its legs again before mine does," Robin clenched his fists, "It dies."

After the statement, Starfire returned and flew behind the titans before the five of them prepared to attack her pursuer.

Beast Boy came first by transforming into an alligator, planning to capture the machine its mouth. Unfortunately, that didn't work out so well.

Raven used her magic to lift a hotdog stand.

"Come on hotdogs," Raven urged, "If you can't hit me, at least hit the foe here."

The machine collided onto the alienated one, to no avail.

"Damn it!"

When it approached him, Cyborg waited until he was behind the machine and grabbed it by the tentacles.

"Starfire what did you do last night?" Cyborg asked as it struggled to keep the machine in his grasp.

"I...don't know," Starfire responded, "All I remembered was drinking something Robin gave me an-"

"Got it"

Soon, the machine wiggled its way out of Cyborg's hold and headed toward Starfire's way again. To defend her, Robin pulled out his metallic stick and whacked the machine with it, causing the machine to fall into the water.

"Dude!" Beast Boy awed as he looked down on the place on the water the machine collided, "Robin actually did something?"

The titans turned around when the machine was seen emerging through the center of the dock. The machine rose up to the sky before turning around to pursue its target. When it approached them, Robin jumped on the machine and searched for something to turn it off.

"This is for stopping me from getting laid!" Robin thrusted his arms into a control system somewhere on the machine and yanked some wires off of it.

Robin jumped back onto the dock in one piece before the five of them watched the machine explode with the other fireworks.

Turning to him,

"Robin," Starfire started, "What exactly was in that drink you gave me?"

"Something I may or may not use again tonight," he responded.

"What?"

"What?"

* * *

><p>Back at the tower:<p>

"Thank you friends so much for saving my life!" Starfire cheered as she danced gracefully around the room, "Ooo, and thank you so much Robin for giving me that stress-relieving medicine! Mmm, is it me or is getting _hot _in here?"

The four titans eyes grew wide when a zipping sound was heard from her side of the room.

'Ah f*** yes!' Robin cheered in his head.

"Put your clothes back on hun and make way for someone who can really do the job right."

The five titans turned to a black-haired chick posing coolly against their long black couch. Her outfit was almost the same as Starfire's, only cooler.

(A/N: I don't mean to be prejudiced but I just love her outfit! And no it's not goth or emo. It's just _cool_.)

The girl chuckled and stretched out her arms to take in Starfire for an embrace.

"Sister!" Starfire cheered, "You're finally out of rehab!"

Pulling out of her grasp, "The name's Lindsey Lohan," Lindsey informed, "And yeah, I got bored so I knocked up some guard and got him to get me out."

"But enough about me," stretching out a hexagonal green gem tied to a string to serve as a necklace, "Look Starfire! Shiny!"

"Ooo!" Starfire dazzled, "Shiny!" she awed before taking the necklace.

"And I heard from the loopy men on the streets that you guys must be the Teen Titans," Lindsey announced before approaching the half robot.

"Cyborg right?" Lindsey guessed.

"H-hey!" Cyborg cheered, "How did you figure that out?"

Looking over the half-robot's form,

"Lucky guess," Lindsey answered before moving on to the blue-haired girl.

"And you must be Raven," Lindsey observed, "Damn and people say _I'm _emo?"

Ignoring the steaming girl, Lindsey moved on to Beast Boy.

"Oh my gosh!" Lindsey cheered, "Hulk Hogan? It's been a while!"

"No," Beast Boy corrected slowly, "It's Beast Boy."

"Oh," Lindsey blinked, "Never mind then."

"Ooo!" Lindsey awed before coming behind Robin, "This cape is sooo sexy!"

"...How did you get in here?" Robin asked.

"I seduced the security systems into letting me in," Lindsey smirked.

Raising an eyebrow,"You can do that?" Robin asked.

"Yup"

"...You do humans to right?"

"Oh yeah"

"Score!"

Leaning towards Raven, "I bet you can't seduce like Lindsey can," Beast Boy teased, "But unless you want to prove me wrong..."

"I'd rather seduce that wannabe octopus machine than seduce an animaniac," Raven stated and received a glare from Beast Boy.

"And this superhero mask," Lindsey awed as she inched closer to Robin's face, "Do you foreplay?"

"I can tonight if you wa-"

"So Lindsey!" Starfire interrupted just in time to stop Robin's hand from crawling up her sister's butt, "What brings you here on Earth?"

"I heard the earthlings here liked to party," Lindsey started before hopping on their couch, "And I wanted to try Earth's version of alcohol."

"Sure it got me on rehab," Lindsey started, "But it's not like the first time I did something _naughty_."

Suddenly interested at the topic,

"Tell me what else you did!"

"I bet she brought all the shut-downed factories back to life!"

"You know Hulk Hogan?"

"Oh I did more than just 'know' him," Lindsey winked, "Okay! So me and Hulk were in some party right? And then we got drunk and-"

"But sister!" Starfire interrupted, "Many have informed me that Hulk Hogan was dangerous because of a disease he has an-"

"Don't worry hun," Lindsey assured, "He always wear condoms."

"Now be a dear and get me that can of beer Cartoon Network tried to cover with a soda," Lindsey requested.

Starfire frowned and walked over to the fridge to comply to her request.

"Damn, I wanted the last can," Starfire sulked before taking the can from the icy storage.

-Scene Transition!-

"Our fourth drone has failed to return," one said, "The drones have failed us."

"Have they?" another inquired.

"Well do you see any of them holding the prisoner?"

"No..."

"Then shut up and let's go to Earth."

"...I hate you Frank."

* * *

><p>"Lindsey!" Starfire called as she continued to search the halls of the tower, "Lindsey! Where are you sister? You forgot your medicine after eating breakfast!"<p>

"That's perfect Robin!"

Starfire gasped at the sight of Lindsey and Robin's shadow coming close to each other.

"Now hold me right there and..."

A masculine grunt was heard and Robin was then seen tumbling onto a row of heavy dumbbells.

"That," Robin commented, "Was hot."

"Okay, now let me lock the room first so we can-"

"Hello Robin and my sister," Starfire protruded before anything else happens, "Am I interrupting?" she asked with inner proud-ness boasting in her chest.

"Well kind of," Robin answered, "Lindsey here was just getting me 'warmed up' for our 'spar'," he smirked, "Why didn't we ever do things like this Starfire?"

"That's because she's an inexperienced a virgin," Lindsey informed before pulling Robin somewhere away from the room, "Now let's go to your room before I stop being horny."

Starfire watched them from behind and frowned as she was left alone.

"Do any of you wish to watch a movie with me?" Starfire offered as she held out the movie food.

"Will there be any 'action' in the movie?" Robin asked.

"Umm...no?"

"Then no"

"That's good"

Everyone turned to the girl walking towards them in, to Starfire's surprise, Starfire's clothes.

"Since you guys are free," Lindsey started, "We could totally go clubbing tonight!"

"Yeah!" Beast Boy cheered, "I always wanted to get drunk, do stuff I'll probably regret but won't remember, and have a hangover in the morning!"

"Will there be chicks?" Cyborg asked.

"Duh" Lindsey answered.

"Count me in!" Robin cheered.

"They'll be serving free hotdogs."

This caught Raven's attention, making her officially in.

The five walked past Starfire as Starfire watched them walk away.

"I hope you don't mind me raiding your closet," Lindsey commented, "Robin literally tore mine off last night."

When Lindsey was in the right distance,

"Why am I related to such a drunk whore?" Starfire asked herself.

"C'mon boys," Lindsey urged as she continued to dance, "Superheroes like yourselves do know how to have fun right?"

"Bet Cyborg can do a mean robot!" Beast Boy challenged as he danced the dance himself.

"Oh so just because I'm black you assume I'm good at it?" Cyborg snapped, "Racist basta-"

-Scene Transition!-

(Oh f*** you Wolfie!)

"This party is pointless," Raven commented.

"Hey," an emo dude came up beside her, "Wanna do some stoic, unfeeling, off-screen fun?"

Raven shrugged before walking away with him.

When Starfire was left alone,

"Hey hot alien girl!" A guy called out to her, "Wanna go to the back room and get knocked up?"

"You mean like a door?" Starfire asked.

Loud laughter was heard and Starfire shrunk down and flushed at the embarrassment.

* * *

><p>Starfire sighed as she rested her chin against her palms.<p>

"Why am I not having the fun?" she asked.

"That's because you're up here, not down there."

Starfire looked up to see Robin walking towards her.

"And I wasn't just talking about the club," he added.

"I'm sure your suggestion sounds enjoyable," Starfire informed, "But I don't think it's enough to make me happy."

Robin raised an eyebrow at this, "Who doesn't get happy doing pleasurable things to my-"

"How do I look?" Lindsey interjected, showing off her pink wig.

"Like an Asian hooker," Robin answered, "Now if can excuse me, I'm trying to do this one," he pointed to Starfire.

Lindsey put her hands on her hips at the response, and cheered at the sudden change of music.

"Oh good an excuse to get some!" Lindsey cheered before dragging Robin back inside the club.

Starfire watched their retreating forms and sighed at the loneliness she's come to face again.

A flash was seen from the distance and Starfire gasped. Speaking of which...

-Scene Transition!-

Beast Boy continued to dance until he saw moving familiar moving figures on the roof fighting on the glass roof

"Cyborg!" he called.

Said man turned to face him.

"I need to go use the bathroom!" Beast Boy informed, "Can you dance with this hot chick for me while I'm gone?"

Cyborg nodded before dancing with the said girl.

Suddenly, purple tentacles reached out and grabbed Beast Boy while another machine tackled Cyborg.

-Censored Fighting Sequence-

"That was awesome!" Cyborg cheered.

"Yes I don't mind being a Teen Titan!" Lindsey beamed.

Bolting out of the dumpster, Starfire popped out and gasped.

* * *

><p>"Maybe I should end this episode already and just leave," Starfire said to herself before setting off into the sky.<p>

"No stay here!"

Starfire turned behind her to see Robin walking towards her.

"Let's piss Wolfie off by making this supposed-to-be abridged episode unnecessarily longer than it's supposed to be," Robin urged, "That'll teach her for keep interru-"

(Wolfie: Oh screw you!)

"Really?" Robin asked eagerly.

(Wolfie: No! Geez boy can't you control your hormones? They've been annoying everyone since the beginning of the episode!)

"Why don't _you _try being a geeky teenage boy in a superhero costume and _you _try getting laid!"

(Wolfie: Maybe I will!)

"Umm Robin?" Starfire called out, receiving Robin's attention, "The episode..."

"Oh," Robin jumped, "right, go on."

Starfire screamed through the giant tentacle's grip on her mouth as it continued to pull her away.

'Okay,' Robin thought as he started to chase after her, 'I only got one shot at this!'

'If I catch her, we both get a chance to live. But if I don't, we're both totally screwed.'

'Here goes!' Robin thought before he jumped and reached out to Starfire's foot. Unfortunately for him, he missed.

"Damn you Robin!" Starfire muffled as she continued to be pulled away.

"I don't know how I'm hanging upside down on this ship while it's flying over 70 miles per hour," Robin started with himself, "But I'll just along with it."

-Censored Fighting Sequence-

"My sister framed me for a crime _she_ did?" Starfire fumed.

"Yes," Robin confirmed as he held Starfire's necklace in his hands, "That's exactly what I just finished telling you."

"Not to mention she's gonna get away with it," Beast Boy pointed to the flying girl behind him.

"Oh no she won't!" Starfire stated before chasing after her.

-Scene Transition-

"First you steal my spotlight, have sex with my future boyfriend, then accuse me of a crime that would send me to jail for life?" Starfire scolded to the black-haired girl, "What kind of an older sister are you?"

"This kind!"

Starfire wailed as a purple starbolt shot her back across the sky.

-Censored Fighting Scene-

"I can't believe I'm going back to that stupid place!" Lindsey fumed as she continued to be pulled away by the giant red alien's tentacle (A/N: hehe).

"You're gonna pay for this you little b****!" Lindsey threatened, "In a few episodes, I'm gonna force to marry a gigantic starburst and threaten your relationship with your friends and your kingdom so I can rule Tamaran!"

"What?"

"What?"

* * *

><p>Oh finally!<br>It's finally done!  
>Sorry if I'm a bit vulgar in this episode.<p>

But I hope you guys like it anyway.

Tell me whatcha think please!  
>And thanks for reading!<p> 


	3. I'm Sorry!

Sorry guys, but I just don't feel like continuing this.  
>I know, I know. Ridiculous, right?<p>

If you're a reader of my Naruto work, I was planning to write a parody of "Romeo and Juliet" starring those characters to make up for this.  
>But I really am sorry about this.<br>Guess I don't have as much mojo in this show as much as I used too...


End file.
